Politcal humor

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Kimber 1911 .45 cal ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do ?


THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN: > > > > > >










Democrat's Answer : Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
















Republican's Answer = BANG!



















Redneck's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! Click...... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points? Son: 'Can I shoot the next one? Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!





********Remember, its JUST A JOKE! ************

Never bet against an old man

The IRS decides to audit an old man, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when the old man shows up with his attorney.The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and nofull-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.

""I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says the old man. "How about a demonstration?"The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay Go ahead."

The old man says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."The old man removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

The old man says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollar s that I can bite my other eye."The auditor can tell the old man isn't blind, so he takes the bet.The old man removes his dentures and bites his good eye.The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous."

Want to go double or nothing?" the old man asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand beside one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

The old man stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss in to a huge win.

But the old man's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands."Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when he told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Reading #5

This reading talked about visual, rhetorical, and literary analysis. It gave good examples and defined each in terms that were easy to understand. Personally, I think that visual analysis gets rather boring, but, for the sake of the assignment, I read it all. After this reading, I am looking forward to rhetorical analysis that you said we would cover next semester!

Detroit Lions vrs. COPS in b-ball

Thats right, the lions play basketball in the off-time. But thats not the best part. I get to play with them! Its a community event that falls on the 13th of April each year and has been a part of my life for the past 4 years. This year was the most exciting of all three, because they rotated a few more players in and people got different autographs than from previous years. The best part is though, the fact that its more about the kids in the crowd than anything else. These professional players go out in the crowd and choose kids to come shoot a free-throw for their team. This is and will always be a truly enjoyable experience.

Proof? Ask for it, I got pictures...and witnesses.

Reading #4

Ah.....information! This is my favorite type of paper to write. In the text, Faigley points out alot of key components to informing. Find, Interpret, Explain and Ask. Very simple and easy concepts. He gives very good examples of each which helps you better understand them. Along with this he gives you tips when you are writing an informative paper. He lists quite a few, but for me, narrowing the topic(something I have trouble doing), keeping it fun, defining key terms, and provide good examples are the most important.

Even though this was the best section of reading I have done yet, it was all review. So, unfortunetely for the book, this is the first time it didn't teach me something. However, I still think it has given me a better understand of the writing process.

Reflection #4

A good argument paper starts by being able to be persuasive on a level that is non-confrontational. Getting past the "these people are stupid" attitude is also a key in writing an argument paper. By doing these two things you have already helped build a more effective argument paper. However, doing these things are not easy. You must take into consideration who will be reading your paper and the language that you use to create your argument. One person may throw a fit over a simple word whereas others may applaud you for it. By stating that you understand where they are coming from helps them be less confrontational. In my argument paper I was trying to persuade them to save lives, instead of going through the process of abortion. I was trying to appeal to peoples emotional sides and was not at all attacking anyone. My viewpoint is that before having an abortion, talk with someone about adoption.

Personally I know I could have done better. I had all the ideas in my head, but I tripped over myself by trying to be as unbiased as I possibly could. I don't feel like it was a persuasive as I know it could have been. The only assumption I made was that an educated person would be reading this, or someone who understands both sides of the argument. I feel like I payed attention to the audience, but that doesn't mean that I gave them a good argument. Moderately effective. I know if I spent a couple more days to a week that I could improve it greatly.

Reading Journal #3

This Read assignment provided considerable help to me when I was writing my observation paper. I referenced this section several times before, during and after my paper. This section gives you a step-by-step definition of how to write an observational paper. Once again it helps those who are struggling better understand by giving picture references along with easy to read information.

On top of that it gives significant amounts of detail reguarding taking observational notes. Key points were: Build a strong sense of place, Provide vivid and well chosen details, cread an overall impression, build trust with your audience by being precise and objective and provide visuals if needed. All of those I tried my best to encompass in my paper. Obviously providing a visual aid was tough, so instead I tried to paint a picture with my words.

Overall, this was probably the most help I have obtained for a reading so far. I am glad that I read it before observing and that I referenced it during as well as after.

NCCA

GO MSU

reflection 3

Personally, I think I have learned alot. Sentence structure, passive voice and a strong thesis statement has always been a struggle for me. These four papers have help me look at writing from a different perspective unlike what my high school teachers did(which was to write about whatever they felt like.) I feel more confident in my ability to develop a paper that gets my views across. I am happy with the progress I have made, however, I think that every writer always has room to improve. I look forward to finishing out the rest of the semester in high hopes of recieving an A.

Out of the four essays, the observation was the most difficult. At first I didn't understand what exactly to write about, but I slowly began to piece together ideas. It was probably the most enjoyable paper because there were no facts, research or data, just me and the people being observed. Coming in at second would obviously be my argument paper. I have already written SEVERAL one-sided papers about topics that truly concern me. For me, presenting my side of the argument was a breeze, however, being able to give the opposing sides arguments was very tough. I think I did an ok job in doing so, but I know that I could use some work on being able to this better. In third would be my Literacy Narrative, which I didn't quite get in the first place. I used it as a chance to give a little insight into my life and sort-of tied in how that was related to my experience with literature. In the first revision, I changed the outlook making it more about my experience and less about myself. This, in the end, provided a better paper overall. Last, but not least, is my This I believe essay. Fairly simple, no explaination paper. Spit out what you think, give support and examples and you got yourself a good paper.

Obviously, to help me improve myself more, I will take my lowest scoring papers and turn them in. I would like to turn in the fourth paper to see what I would get on it. (if you allow it :D!)

Reading Number 2

Being an effective writer in college is basically what this section is about. Instead of describing the writing process, Faigley trys to get his readers to think about their aim. Developing a good thesis statement and backing it up with a good arguement is one of his main points in this reading. He relates your thesis statement to your aim of what you want to right. The other point Faigley wanted to get across is to think about your genre. Sentence and paragraph length, word chocie and relationship to the reader are all important to differentiate your genres. For example you would not say "wazzup?" in a research report to your professor or vice versa "In an era of dicontinuous change, an examination of mission-critical pursuits funnels down to our exceedance of our standars" in a text message to your friends.
Further in the reading Faigley gets more specific on how you should write effectively. Logos, pathos and ethos are mentioned in the reading as effective ways to appeal to the audience. He says that when used in the proper way, they can persuade, if not convince, an audience of your ideas. Faigley trys to get the writer to step out of his own shoes and get in the audiences. This is boldy stated in his mini excerpt "Imagine your readers." Once again I find this book helps me learn how to write on a level I can understand! (He should write high school englsih textbooks!)

Superbowl Mistake/LA scores

I wanted to be careful when I posted this blog to make sure my facts were straight. There were mutiple key plays that I think the referees messed up. The first one was the 100 yard touchdown return. After I reviewed the play on youtube, it looks like pittsburgh defense was offsides. If you watch the entire play closely, (terrible with numbers and names) the guy behind Harrison was holding the intended reciever of the ball.

Next problem. Harrison should have been thrown out. Its exciting to see a few punches thrown, maybe a push or a shove, but he was way out of line.

The last two touchdowns. Fitzgerald tackled the steelers ball carrier at BEFORE THE line (his knee was down from the reverse side. The last touchdown he didnt have control of the ball until his right foot was in air and then he fell out of bounds WITH ONLY one foot on the ground...but its all how the referees define control of the ball.

I am a professional umpire and I know how hard it is to be a sports official. I have made a few errors in multiple games, but I feel as if the cardinals had somewhat biased officials in this game!

Now on the reverse side. Kurt Warner needs to be let go. If he hit every one of his passes, the cardinals would have been up by 12 at the end. Dont tell me its the people protecting him fault. The entire game they gave him 2-9 secs to make a play after the hike....9 secs! He was good on the road to the superbowl, but choked when it came down to it.

Problem number two. Fitzgerald got the ball on very few occasions. He jumps 11 feet in the air and was the fast runner on the field....give him the ball?

oh and the lakers won...Kobe had 36 points, 8 Rebounds , and 7 assists.

Lakers 115- Raptors 107

Reflection of Literacy Narrative

First assignments are always tough for many reasons. Finding out how the teacher grades the class and trying to not be harsh when reviewing your peer papers are usually some reasons. Overall, I got a general idea of what I need to do to write a good paper and established, to my classmates, if someone wants a critical review, they know where to come. :)! However, I felt like I could have used some of this constructive criticism myself because I know I'm not an A+ writer!

I think some people were hesitant to put down anything to help, either out of laziness or fear of hurting my feelings. The sole purpose of a peer review is to give the author advice on how to make the paper better. If that is your intention, how could you ever be mean? We are all in the same class together, and I know we all want good grades so a little criticism might be necessary. If people feel as if they are being mean, then they should do what I do. For every bad thing you say about a paper, find a good thing.

Besides that minor detail, I felt as if I took one step on the pathway to becoming a better writer with this paper. I remember many things about my past and how literacy has affected those things. Hopefully, as this class progresses, I will become an A+ writer. As for my grade, for now at least, I say high B or to a low A-. ( a stretch )

And no...Kobe Bryant is not overrated.

Reading Journal

After reading the first pages of the book, I felt as if I had a better understanding of writing. The clearly defined text and illustrations assist the process of analyzing, evaluating, brainstorming and reflecting. The authors have picked apart so thoroughly that they give examples on how to strategize for topics!

One of my weaker points is that I don't organize or build the paper to have a strong ending. I know most of the cause is because I tend to drift off the thesis. The author gave me a new perspective by building on what I have read and not pausing to think about what I am writing. Instead, he suggests that you flow and go back to fix problems later. In the diagnostic essay, and many other essays, I took forever to develop my paper due to the thousands of ideas running through my head. Now instead of worrying what to write, I will write it all down!

I would recommend the use of this book to any person who has trouble learning how to write. I hope that as the semester goes on that it will perfect my ability to brainstorm, critique my skill and enhance my understanding of the writing process. I am excited because I finally feel like I can become a good writer.

:D

First Blog

Kobe Bryant scored 81 points in a game...who else can do that?